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What is people pleasing? If you often help people at the expense of your well-being, you may have this common habit.
At Rose Wellness, our compassionate therapists can help you develop techniques to overcome your persistent need for approval. We always customize the approach and never judge you for your struggles. Keep reading to discover everything you should know about addressing your people-pleasing tendencies.
Identifying a People Pleaser: Look for These Signs
Many people have heard of the term “people pleaser,” but they don't know exactly what that means. You or someone you love may have this tendency if they exhibit the following habits:
Saying No Feels Difficult or Stressful
People pleasers have a constant need to seek approval. They want others to like them at all costs and go out of their way to accommodate others and make them feel happy.
They often have trouble saying no when people ask something of them. The need to people please can apply to small tasks like watching a movie they don't like or large ones like staying in an unhealthy relationship. People pleasers often have the unconscious belief saying no always causes the other person discomfort or makes them feel rejected.
Setting Boundaries Seems Selfish or Rude
What is people pleasing? It's a tendency toward self-sacrifice that leads to a lack of emotional boundaries. For example, they may have a one-sided friendship and only focus on solving the other person's problems, or the people pleaser may willingly take the blame for something not their fault.
Having Low Self-Esteem Leads to Conflict Avoidance
Individuals with a tendency to please others often have low self-esteem, although they may not be aware of it. They'll avoid conflict, either out of fear of being wrong or too aggressive or because they don't believe they're worth standing up for themselves. As such, people pleasers often keep their emotions bottled up so they don't rock the boat.
Overcommitting and Approval Seeking to Create Constant Stress
Their inability to say no often leads to excessive commitments and feeling overwhelmed. The people pleaser likely experiences chronic stress, which affects their sleep, immune system, and more. They frequently become sick more often than the average person.
The Most Common Causes Reasons a Person People Pleases
What causes a person to have people-pleasing tendencies? It's usually a coping mechanism to avoid rejection and may arise from one of the following situations:
- Neglect or abuse: Growing up with parental neglect or abuse often creates people pleasers. These children learn that conflict never works in their favor.
- C-PTSD: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when a person experiences repeated trauma, such as during war or abuse. Symptoms include severe anxiety, flashbacks, emotional numbness, and avoidance.
- Learned behavior: Children often learn to people please from their parents. Families may pass down the tendency for generations without realizing it until someone breaks the chain.
- BPD: People with Borderline Personality Disorder fear abandonment and do everything in their power to avoid it. They often have severe mood swings when they feel threatened.
- Narcissism survivors: A person may develop people-pleasing tendencies when they grow up with narcissistic parents or are in a serious relationship with a narcissist. The gaslighting they experienced breaks down their self-esteem.
- Codependency: A codependent person derives their identity and approval from other people. They'll go to great lengths to avoid losing someone they feel connected to.
How To Overcome Your Tendency Toward People Pleasing
What is people pleasing? It's a set of habits, and eliminating them can help improve mental health.
Find Your Identity and Increase Your Self-Understanding
People pleasers often lose their sense of identity because they become who others want. Spend time thinking about your values, strengths and weaknesses, and passions. Knowing who you are can help you stand up for yourself and realize you deserve happiness.
Practice Setting and Enforcing Boundaries
People pleasing can't exist when a person sets firm boundaries. Practice saying no, and don't let other's emotions affect your decisions. Realize that people who care about you won't hold your "no's" against you.
Seek Help From a Certified Professional
You don't have to overcome this challenge alone. A certified mental health professional can help you find the cause of your bad habits and support you in forming new ones. They'll provide a compassionate and non-judgmental place to talk.
Seek Compassionate Help From Experts at Rose Wellness
What is people pleasing? If you're constantly seeking approval from others, contact Rose Wellness for help. Our therapists won't judge you — they’ll help you identify and change behaviors that no longer serve you.
Call 202-681-1348 to inquire about therapy.
